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Writer's pictureMelanie Stevens

The Dark Night of the Soul

The “Dark Night of the Soul” is the name given to an experience many people go through as part of their spiritual awakening. In fact sometimes it is the catalyst of the awakening.

 

The name is a bit misleading - because it’s not just one night! It comes and goes over a period of time which varies from person to person - but it can be weeks, months or years.

 

What is the Dark Night of the Soul?


The Dark Night of the Soul is what we go through when we experience a disruption to our identity and we realise we’re not the person we always thought we were. It’s like an ego death – when we awaken, we realise that we’re a spiritual being having a human experience – not a human being, having a spiritual experience. Our true nature is that of spirit. The person we’ve come to identify with - who we base our life on – is part of our ego, and our ego is not who we truly are.

 

As a spiritual being, we come to Earth in human form and we play a role. That role could be a son, a daughter, a brother, a sister, a parent, a male, a female, a doctor, a teacher – these are simply labels that connect to the role we play whilst in this incarnation. But that isn’t who we truly are. When we realise this, it can cause us to feel a bit lost and disconnected. We might start to question the point of living, if the role we play isn’t who we truly are. We wonder why we come to Earth just to play these roles, go to work, obtain material ‘stuff’, find a partner, settle down, retire and then return to spirit again! The spiritual awakening causes us to question all of our achievements in life, because they don’t feel important any more. We question all the stuff we’ve accumulated and we realise that it doesn’t bring lasting happiness. We work hard and we strive to earn money to pay a mortgage or rent, to keep a roof over our heads, we go out at the weekend… and it just starts to feel a bit pointless. The things that used to bring pleasure don’t bring it anymore. This can be a scary part of the awakening because we’re not enjoying the things we used to enjoy.


Dark Night of the Soul - a spiritual awakening experience

Facing Loss


Another part of the Dark Night of the Soul is losing the things that used to bring us pleasure, because they actually fall away from us. We might lose a job or a relationship. We might lose friendships, we can face grief, loss and extreme change. As things shift and change hugely on the inside, that is then reflected in your external world as well. Loss is a very common feature of the Dark Night of the Soul.

 

Something else I came to realise during my Dark Night of the Soul experience was that I wasn’t honouring my body and my emotional journey. I was on anti-depressants for 5 years and I realised that I was just numbing my way through life with medication, because I was unhappy. But I didn’t want to feel that unhappiness so I took tablets to numb the pain. I also realised that the pain was trying to tell me something, and that there was a better way to manage that pain - through managing my energy, through reiki, and looking after myself. I felt a nudge from my higher self to come off the anti-depressants, which was a painful experience in itself – I’d been on the medication for so long I’d forgotten how I felt before I took it. It took a long time to wean myself off the tablets and then I was plunged back into depression for a long time before they were out of my system, and even once I’d become free of the meds, the depression didn’t lift as I was right in the middle of my Dark Night of the Soul. Existential depression crept in, and I woke up most mornings feeling disappointed to still be ‘stuck here’.

 

I believe a lot of people drink alcohol for the same reason – they’re unhappy, so they use alcohol (or drugs or caffeine) to numb their way through life. So it was a healthy decision to come off the tablets, but it was an emotionally turbulent time for me as I adjusted to my feelings again, recognising the signs my body was sending me without covering those signs up with numbing medication. It’s all too easy to pop a pill when you feel bad, but burying our feelings inevitably causes more pain further down the road. In fact it’s for this reason we do shadow work.

 

So in summary, the Dark Night of the Soul is when we realise our true nature and we grieve the loss of who we thought we were. It’s when things in life that used to give us pleasure don’t hit the mark any more. It’s often a time of depression and anxiety as we come to accept the uncertainty of the future, whilst desperately searching for some sort of purpose - without which life feels pointless. It’s a time of disruption and loss as things drop away from us that don’t serve our highest good anymore. So I appreciate it doesn’t sound that great! However, we all go through this period when we’re awakening so remember that you are not alone. You will come out the other end of the Dark Night and you’ll be a lot happier than you were in the middle of it.

 

What happens after a Dark Night of the Soul?


This period of disruption and loss is necessary for the awakening and is transformative – you can only open new doors when old ones close. You can have new experiences when you stop focusing on the old experiences that don’t serve you any more. You will find your purpose and you’ll find people who resonate with your new energy – so that means new friendships, new relationships and possibly new collaborations in your work. You may have a total change of career too. When you come out the other end of a Dark Night of the Soul, you’ll also have stronger boundaries. You won’t want to waste time doing things you don’t love! You’ll choose your experiences more wisely. You’ll find it easier to say no. Life feels more precious, more exciting. Remember this when it gets tough – when you’re in the middle of that experience, it can feel really hopeless. My Dark Night experience lasted around three years and I cried almost every day. When I felt the need to cry, I carved myself some time and space to be alone and let it out. Most of the time I didn’t even really know why I felt so upset. But I knew on a deeper level that it was part of the healing journey.

 

Dark Night of the Soul Symptoms


If you’re wondering if you’re going through a Dart Night of the Soul – you’ll probably have been nodding away at some of the things you’ve just read, but here are some signs that you might be experiencing it:

 

1 - You find yourself crying a lot more, and sometimes, you’re not sure why you’re crying. Allow the emotion when it happens and trust that you’re healing something you may not be consciously aware of. Sometimes our old traumas run really deep, and it may not be immediately obvious why you’re upset.

 

2 – You’re facing loss in one or more area of your life. Things are dropping away and this can cause major disruption, and it all seems to happen at once. This can include losing a job or career, loved ones moving on or passing away, divorce, losing friends, losing a home, financial difficulties – not necessarily all of these things, but often it’s a major loss. Sometimes this is the catalyst for the awakening as the grief calls you to question the meaning of life. When this happens, it starts the Dart Night of the Soul and the spiritual journey begins.

 

3 - You’re looking for purpose in everything. You question things before you do them, you don’t the follow the crowd.

 

4– Material things don’t give you pleasure any more. You realise you get a moment’s pleasure when you buy something new, and then it’s gone. And you lose interest in buying more and more stuff.

 

5 – You find yourself purging in all areas of life. You may start throwing stuff out of your house, or giving them away. You crave having less stuff around you, and more space.

 

6 – You experience a lot more anxiety or depression (that isn’t in isolation – if you experience anxiety and you’re not awakening spiritually, then there may be another reason). The Dark Night of the Soul can cause a temporary increase in anxiety or depression.

 

Now that you understand more about the Dark Night, it should make it a bit easier to handle. Remember – you’re not alone, you’re never alone! You have a whole team of Spirit Guides around you all the time, cheering you on. You knew you would experience this before you chose to incarnate here on Earth, and your Guides did too. Trust the process and know that this too shall pass 💖 To learn more about the Dark Night of the Soul and the spiritual awakening experience, take a look at the Spiritual Awakening & Ascension course.

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